The Truth.

We see this face a lot.

Before I start, let me say, I love my baby! This is not a complaint, more just a documentation.

I know what you are thinking, "babies cry" what's the big deal.  The truth is, that Bristol is crabby more than she is happy. I am not exaggerating either. 

When you think of a newborn what do you think of?

a quiet cry

cuddly

can't hold their head up

sleeps all day

Bristol never did any of this stuff. She's had a loud cry since the day she was born. She was holding her head up looking around when she was born, she didn't like cuddling unless she was nursing, and she rarely slept for more than 1 hour or 1.5 hrs at a time for the first 2.5 months.  

I remember being in the hospital exhausted from labor and wanting to sleep. Bristol woke up so I fed her and burped her.  She then cried and cried and cried.  I thought...isn't someone going to come take the baby and get her to stop crying? Then I realized that no one was going to "save" me. I didn't need "saving" I am her mother after all, I should know what to do, because moms always know what to do...right? The next night I sent her to the nursery because I got zero sleep during the day. An hour later the nurse came in and said she would not stop crying and if I did not allow them to give her a pacifier than they were going to bring her back to me.  I told them to give her a paci, which I guess she took because they didn't bring her back for another 2 hours so I could feed her.

After having her home for a week, I was completely wiped out. She would not sleep and she cried all day. Several times over the next 3 months my mom, Jason's mom, and one of my friends came out for a day or 2 at a time to come hold her while I tried to nap.  A few times I even went and stayed at my mom's because I was having melt downs.  

I used to sleep on the couch with Bristol wrapped with a blanket to my chest in the recliner seat. About every hour she would wake up to cry, so I would feed her. I was so tired. I was so frustrated. I was so confused. I did this for over a month.

On day, my mom was spending the weekend with us. Bristol screamed, not cried, screamed for hours.  I had the biggest headache from lack of sleep, my eyes were burning, and I was crying. I couldn't stop either. I was miserable. My mom just kept telling me "it's going to be ok" I wanted to believe her but I couldn't.

It makes me sad to think about that night. I just wanted to disappear, to run away.  Of course I didn't run away, and I'm not going to. It was just a very low point for me. 

Jason and I had waited for 3 years for this little girl to come to our family and we were all supposed to be happy and perfect.  I just wasn't.  Of course I loved our baby, I just didn't think I could handle one more scream, or cry. I guess I did because here I am living to tell about it :)

Now that 5.5 months has gone by...she still cries a bunch but at least she sleeps better, which means I am actually sleeping. It's only for 3hrs increments but I can't complain. Once in a while she will sleep for 6 hrs strait....and boy do I feel rested when she does.

I suppose I felt like rambling tonight. While Bristol does cry a lot, she is also sweet when she is not crying. I will post pictures of her being happy tomorrow. Also, if you see more pictures of her being fussy, just know that I am done with trying to pretend that she is always in a good mood and only posting the "happy" pictures.  I'll get the pictures that I get and I won't throw a fit! Or maybe I will...